I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
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