if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
My ATM looks so different sober.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
