i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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