Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
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