i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
