walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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