my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
