i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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