If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
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