4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
