are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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