It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
