Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
