tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
