Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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