Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
