The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
