At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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