I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
