Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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