Will you blow on my dice?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
