you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize