Only a mothe r could love this liver
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
