trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
