Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
