So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
