Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
