I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
