I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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