Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I forgot wine drunk hurts
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
