Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
