Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
