I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
