So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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