the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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