Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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