I wannas sexs uuuuu
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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