I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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