Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
