Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
