dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
