I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
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