And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
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