the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
