"it" just moved
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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