he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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