tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
