just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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