she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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