Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
