...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
