you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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