How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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