Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
