my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
