She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
