i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
is that a dick in a sweater?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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