Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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