Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
We just shotgunned beers for America
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
