1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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