Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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