My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
