Taylor Swift is so right about you.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I FOUND THE LEGS
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
