hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
