Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
