Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
