I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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