I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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