Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
