I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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