i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
