Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
