If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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