Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
