im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
