WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
